Get addicted to good deeds and words!

We all know that sex and taking drugs is like sleeping and eating and most other things. The more you have the more you want. The more you do it, the more you want to, the more you do it! The more you eat the “hungrier” you get the more you eat. Can you ever get enough of the good stuff?

I bet you (once again) started 2016 thinking about what you were going to do less or more of? And, how are you doing? Not hacking it and want to know why not? Read this. The good thing is there is still the rest of the year with new opportunities to do something different like start a love revolution, make a difference and get a lot more “right”.

But, before you roll your eyes thinking this is another “how to achieve your goals” or “2016 is going to be your best year yet” promise, believe me it is not. None of that stuff. The next 1176 words are going to be about doing more. Three “to dos” to get more energy and feel good on plus five user-friendly do good reminders which (perhaps) your mother, your father, maybe the holy man up the road or a teacher shared with you. All for free, gratis and nix! Simple reminders which, if each one of us did more of…even…only…just one…on a daily basis, our world would turn into a significantly better place and our lives would become more magical – like Lucy living in a sky of diamonds.

OK, so lets start with the to do list.

To do #1: Be active, not passive

Crazy idea? Maybe. Exercise/spend time with friends; good.  Senseless TV/Netflix bingeing and mindless surfing the web/fb; bad. Get the power of your will into shape. Get more active via  The Willpower Instinct.

To do #2: Help someone. Do more helping. Get high on helping. It’s a natural “pick me up” drug. The more you do it the more you want it. I also read somewhere that helping someone else is the best way to ensure your own survival. It takes you out of yourself. It helps you to rise above your fears. The cycle reinforces itself; you lift them, and their response lifts you.

To do #3: Be kind over being right. Does always being right make you feel good? Are you really willing to make another person feel really bad just because you have to prove you are right? Do you really care more about being right than about the quality of the relationship you have with a person? I personally doubt it. Am I right or am right?

I’m glad you had the energy to get this far. On to the reminder list.

Reminder #1: “Put yourself in someone else’s shoes” (an old saying dating back to 1700s ). Always. Look at things from someone else’s point of view. When you know how they feel, you may understand why they are behaving the way they are and you may experience more compassion, empathy and fairness. Wouldn’t you like people to be like that to you?

Reminder #2: “Be unto others as you would like them to be unto you” (Biblical instruction from Luke) spills over into other areas of our work and personal lives like

• speaking to others as you want them to speak to you – if you are sarcastic but don’t like others being sarcastic to you – cut it out!
• speaking of others as you would like them to speak of you

Reminder #3: Raise your words, not your voice.

So many interactions require the proverbial “biting of one’s lip” but when you’ve bitten long and hard and your lip starts bleeding and you’ve just “gotto say what you gotto say” you need to be able to raise your words, and not your voice – it is after all the rain that grows flowers and not the thunder (Rumi’s, not mine). Forget about getting emotional and lashing out or back. Use words that work and (re)apply Reminder #1 while doing it. Will you?

There is an African saying: “the axe will forget, but the tree will always remember” which is endorsed by a parable called “The nails in the fence”.

There once was a child (let’s take a girl) who had a bad temper. Her father gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she had to hammer a nail into the fence. The first day the girl had driven many nails into the fence but as she learned to control her anger every day the number of nails she hammered into the fence became less and less. She discovered it was easier to control her temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the girl didn’t lose her temper at all. She told her father about it and the father suggested that she now pull out one nail for every day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her father that all the nails had been removed from the fence.

The father took his daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my girl, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave holes in a heart.  A heart might forgive, but seldom forgets. No matter how many times you apologize.” 

Reminder #4: Be impeccable with your word (Don Miguel Ruiz; The 4 Agreements #1) Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love – it is so much easier than trying to forgiving and forget.

Reminder 5: “ What you communicate is a reflection of your world”. It mirrors who and what we are,  and just like we learn bad language it is possible to change our thoughts, actions, and world by changing what we say; learning a “new” language – more feel good words and phrases.

Nelson Mandela said this: “No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can learn to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” 

To help you effortlessy integrate more of the happy lingo into your every day, there are a few peppy, upbeat mantras to memorise and share like…

• I’m really grateful for…
• I feel great when…
• I’m so excited/happy about…
• It’s fantastic when…
• I’m so proud of…
• I really like…
• I’ve got the best…
• That made me smile.
• Today was a good day
• Thank you
• You’re a wonderful friend/husband/wife/child etc.
• That’s so funny/hilarious!
• I can’t wait for/to…

Okay, I’m done! I trust you are filled with energy and inspiration to get more out of your new 2016.

Viva, Hester

PS1 Check yourself with this – “Is what I am about to say true, kind or necessary?

PS2 and if you have nothing good to say it’s better to say nothing at all.