Latest News

9
Sep

“Being Nice Isn’t Enough!” gets invited to the UNWG

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Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

How to cut the niceties and get to real collaboration!

It’s official. It’s been announced!

I have been invited to do a keynote on why “Being Nice Isn’t Enough” (my new in the “sending-to-publishers-phase” book) when wanting to cultivate real cross-cultural competence, conversation and collaboration at…
wait for it…
the United Nations Women’s Group in Vienna, on the 21st of September 2016!

That’s BIG and (even if I say so myself) awesomely EXCITING!

OK, I must also admit that I am having a whole lot of fun today! Fun Friday!

I have been in the process of uncluttering my website and putting in the key message of all messages. The Being Nice Isn’t Enough! book/keynote/seminar/coaching message.
I have also been having fun with rewording my “about” page and found the words “rebel” and “sparkplug” and I want to “SALT” sparkplug everywhere to describe myself and what I do. A sparkly sparkplug!

More about my current work and writing…
“Being Nice Is Not Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” is aimed at the business reader who is working with culturally diverse teams or across borders “Being Nice Is Not Enough!” is going to change the way you communicate and connect with people – simply by mirroring and undoing some of your habits, bias’, patterns and language that no longer serves you! The unconscious internal glitches – that contribute to conflict rather than collaboration – that should get dumped in the ditches. (Thank you to my coach and mentor Kate Emmerson)

“Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration”, an international personal/leadership skills and (non-generic) business communication book is also written for non-academic readers including non-native English speakers involved in international interactions. Without “dumb-ing” it down too much “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration” is written in a narrative and witty tongue-in-cheek style. It is a merging of my real-time “put-my-foot-in-it” trip-ups and intercultural feaux pas’ over the past 25+ years (yes I’m that experienced) of personal and international business experiences with my later studies and research on the fascinating albeit, at times, painfully embarrassing topic. The fact that I (and my son) were born into a post-apartheid culturally and politically changing South Africa also provides me with an experientially packed classroom! A wanderlust and attraction for the unknown fuelled by opportunities to work and live in foreign countries fill the chapters of “Being Nice Isn’t Enough!” This book provides humanly erring insights, reflections and practical answers to some of your cross-cultural questions – by undoing unhelpful habits and replacing them with good old guiding principles. An absolute must read when it hits the shelves!
I host “no-buts-kick-butt” authentically sparkplug keynote talks, seminars, team workshops and personal coaching on “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” Get me, get us!

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9
Sep

C#3 – Cross-cultural consciousness

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consciousness vs. disregard

Consciousness vs. disregard describes one person who is aware and mindful that others from different backgrounds share the same values and have different ways of doing things, and disregard describes another person who demonstrates disinterest and detachment in their dealings or interactions with others from different countries.

This “disregard” only gives others the perception that you are (maybe) inconsiderate, biased and narrow minded when, in fact, you are not? Or are you? Is that how you want others to “see” you?

Or, do you get others? “Getting” others – is the ability to demonstrate a conscious “listening for” (not to), a consciously empathetic understanding for and good basic knowledge of other cultures. Can you?

Talking at, telling, instructing and using imperatives does not invite anyone into dialogue and shows a disregard for their involvement, worth and values. Are you doing this?

Are you showing consciousness? If yes, fantastic – you are a born cross-cultural collaborator! If not, don’t go into hiding!

Get me to help you become a cross-cultural collaborator with consciousness, courage and curiosity!

8
Sep

C#2 – Cross-cultural courage!

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courage vs. arrogance

Are you courageous enough to encourage collaboration? Can some of your actions be percieved as arrogant?

Unconscious “us” vs “them” talk – be it due to fear of not knowing something or embarrassment that goes with (possibly) looking stupid, cultivates a biased arrogance – “my way is the best way” – normally expressed with generalisations – “they’re all the same”. This language certainly doesn’t promote collaboration.

Getting cross-cultural collaboration up and running in a new international team or project not only requires curiosity (C#1), but also a healthy dose of courage (C#2). Knowing what you don’t know, being able to acknowledge imperfections and that that you don’t have all the answers involves personal risk taking. It also makes you more human. Your sincerely curious and courageous approach to establishing collaboration will foster a quick and committed bonding between team members – no matter who, no matter where.

Courage means taking risks. Be courageous. Stay Curious. Create collaboration. Because (sometimes) Being Nice (simply) Isn’t enough! It’s such a valuable ingredient to your cross-cultural success mix.

PS: CQ = Cultural Intelligence

8
Sep

C#1 – Curiosity never killed any cat!

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curiosity vs. indifference

Cats whiskers are very sensitive! They are like fine radars – or sensors you have in cars that warn the cat when it’s getting into a tight spot! So forget the old wives tales of cats getting killed because they were curious – that was just an attempt to get you to stop asking questions. What the old wives really should have told you is to develop some cross-cultural curiosity – to be curious, not indifferent.

As children we are protected from all sorts of harm by our well-meaning parents – and in some cases causing more unnecessary harm. Asking too many question got us silenced, we were warned about “talking to strangers”, and overheard our close circles of reference talking (negatively) about others – us (inclusive) vs. them (exclusive). This “killed” our curiosity and limited our cross-cultural and interpersonal potential.

Why?

Because it could percieved as indifference. Like you don’t care. A given cold-ness.  Look at all the fear  or scaremongering going on in the world and ask yourself where that comes from?

Be Curious. Be open for new things. Be spontaneous. A good dose of cross-cultural curiosity will certainly add fun and success to your intercultural activities like cross-cultural collaboration, and cross-cultural communication. Different ideas and experiences are the doors to new “worlds” and opportunities which enable you (or your team/organisation) to grow. And remember, “Being Nice (most of the time, simply) Isn’t Enough!”.

Develop that curiosity – it never killed any cat!

There’s more on what you can do to cultivate cross-cultural collaboration through conversation following shortly!

An idea from Hester and her book “Being Nice Isn’t Enough!”

22
Aug

Vienna and Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

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Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

I trust you’re enjoying the balmy days of a late European summer, or, the fresh new days of a Spring!

I personally fled the wet and wild Goa-n monsoon in June. It was simply too stormy, turbulent and grey for me. In exchange, I enjoyed the South African bush winter of crisp blue skies warmed by rays of sunshine. I also covered about 5000km’s in road tripping and rhino patrolling. It was a glorious time with family and friends. I had to add a bit of body padding with the help of delicious home-made bakes and cakes!

The last 2 months have also been very exciting in the sense that I have submitted my book proposal to a few publishers in the US and UK. I recieved – albeit very direct – guiding and encouraging feedback! I feel more confident (I have no choice because giving up at this point is certainly not an option) and currently re-working some of the pointers given by the publishers. Here’s a snippet:

Being Nice Isn’t Enough is an “undo” book (with illustrations by Karin Hofmann).

Have you ever left a meeting or negotiation wishing you could undo some of the things you said?
Have you ever walked out of an argument wishing you could undo your last statement? Do you feel perplexed, peeved or plagued by cross-cultural misunderstandings? Are you “rolling your inner eye” at seemingly sloppy operations, and getting vexed by others’ disregard for timelines and bogged down by long decision making processes? If yes it might be (high) time to undo some of your “tried and tested” ways of doing things.

Being Nice Isn’t Enough takes an untypical turn-things-on-their-head approach to why people do what they do in foreign and unfamiliar situations.  It illustrates what can go wrong and why you end up with unintended, undesired outcomes. It achieves this supporting you in undoing unhelpful habits, undoing unsupportive behaviour and un-cluttering communication which, if left unattended, lead to unprofitable cross-cultural business activities.

Being Nice Isn’t Enough, is an international business communication book for readers who work with culturally diverse teams or across borders. It is also written especially for the non-native English reader. Without dumb-ing it down too much Being Nice Isn’t Enough is written in a narrative and witty tongue-in-cheek style merging the author’s real time personal and business experiences with researched theory. It provides insights and answers to many cross-cultural questions.

How? You will be nudged into “undoing”

  • age-old survival strategies you’ve inherited, learned, cultivated which show up as your core values, beliefs and unconscious triggers about your assumed cultural identification
  • how you use your language and ideas on words like manipulate, trust, respect and nice
  • what you think you know about others and what engages and scares you and them.

Being Nice Isn’t Enough is packed with thought provoking “undos”, practical how to tips and tools as well as simple and fun illustrations.

By undoing a lot of what you have been thinking, saying and doing, this book is going to impact what you get as opposed to what you want. It will change the way you do business and how you communicate and connect with others – no matter who and no matter where.

Please hold your thumbs for my Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

I (really) look forward to seeing you between the 12th of September and the 9th of November in Vienna, and remember that my diary is almost full so if you would like me to spend some time with you, contact me now!

Stay safe and remember to keep sparkling!

Hester
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25
May

Autumn in Austria!

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Returning to Vienna this Autumn!

“creating confident communicators – cultivating collaborative conversation”
Taking bookings now from 12th September to 9th November 2016

Goa has been and still is good!

A sense-ual celebration of the visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, olfactory and gustatory elements – colorful and kaleidoscopic; bold and brassy; hot and humid; aromatic and acrid; delicious and delightful! And at best, confusing!

Here’s something really funny and absolutely true when it comes to their “language” – verbal and nonverbal. I still have to check for understanding!

Getting on with everyday things have also been a challenging daily reminder of how much curiosity, clarity and understanding cross cultural communicators need. Curiosity is certainly very supportive in order to cultivate collaboration through communication. Wouldn’t you like to know how?

Speaking of clarity – while the skies are blue and there are many more hours in your day – I need to make hay! Please remember to plan and fix your skills and language appointments for Autumn, ASAP!

You know how the saying goes – if you snooze you lose!

Wishing you happy days and a sensational summer! Hester

 

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24
Jan

Get addicted to good deeds and words!

the power of words

We all know that sex and taking drugs is like sleeping and eating and most other things. The more you have the more you want. The more you do it, the more you want to, the more you do it! The more you eat the “hungrier” you get the more you eat. Can you ever get enough of the good stuff?

I bet you (once again) started 2016 thinking about what you were going to do less or more of? And, how are you doing? Not hacking it and want to know why not? Read this. The good thing is there is still the rest of the year with new opportunities to do something different like start a love revolution, make a difference and get a lot more “right”.

But, before you roll your eyes thinking this is another “how to achieve your goals” or “2016 is going to be your best year yet” promise, believe me it is not. None of that stuff. The next 1176 words are going to be about doing more. Three “to dos” to get more energy and feel good on plus five user-friendly do good reminders which (perhaps) your mother, your father, maybe the holy man up the road or a teacher shared with you. All for free, gratis and nix! Simple reminders which, if each one of us did more of…even…only…just one…on a daily basis, our world would turn into a significantly better place and our lives would become more magical – like Lucy living in a sky of diamonds.

OK, so lets start with the to do list.

To do #1: Be active, not passive

Read more

4
Jan

Christmas, First World problems and my gift of 3 Questions

 

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We’re nearly there – only a few days to Christmas and a brand new year! I am so looking forward to it!

My goodness it’s been a tough year. Charly Hebdo attack in Paris, January; a 7.9 earthquake in Nepal, April; the migrant crisis unfolded in Europe in August; Volkswagen involved in an emission scandal, the Hajj stampede in Mecca in September, a Russian plane crashes in the Sinai Desert; Nigerians die in bomb attacks in October and November; Palestinians, Jews and Syrians all year and then of course the Paris attack in November.

And you are wondering why on earth I am reminding you of such bad sad things when I should be sending you fluffy snowflake Christmas-sy stuff! Your are right. Read on.

Christmas is a time for good stuff.
A time for a good time.
Time to go home and reconnect.
Time for cinnamon and nutmeg flavoured kitchens.
Time for laughter, opened gifts, open hearts…and family.
Time for peace. A time for love.

A time for giving. A time for sharing. The spirit of Christmas. Ideally.

Or are you still practicing the Christmas tradition of a private function for only the closest family members? Is Christmas time a time of closed doors where the true spirit of giving has been silenced by the rustling sound of expensive gift wrap and replaced by first world problems?

Read more

15
Oct

Master change and fear in four easy steps.

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Returning to work in September after the heady high days of sun, more sun, endless blue skies and MA!…those intense “Moments of Awareness”…was really a challenge!
Filled with my MA! my enthusiasm was temporarily doused by some of my clients’ updates of…yes…you got it…more cuts. More budget cuts, more FTE cuts, more company Christmas dinner expense cuts. Cuts. And then of course the refugee crisis, people cut off from their roots and family. More (suicide)bomb blasts cutting off life. Another mass killing at a school. More young lives cut short.

My world as I know it is changing and I get filled with a profound feeling of dread and…

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But I can’t run away, I have clients to inspire and bills to pay!

And I am reminded of quote to which there’s a flipside too: “the bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you refuse to take the bend”.

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But then, how many times have you missed a turning only to discover a new, better route to where you’re going? I personally love getting lost (when I am not in a hurry)!

Take what you need. I want change.
Read more

4
Jun

MA, the power of choice and the power of silence!

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A great warrior is known to have advised his troops to “retreat in order to advance”. Interesting thought that…and it makes good business sense!

Here’s another idea. “You can do anything. Once you stop trying to do everything”.

It’s been 3 months since my last newsletter and a lot has happened!
Time really flies when you’re busy trying to master the balance of living life to the fullest and earn a living! The “balancing act” has, at times, proven challenging as well as exhilarating and inspiring! It’s been a great time and I realize more and more how much I love my work, but, I must be honest in saying that I am also very grateful for our longer brighter warmer days and the promise of “time out”, holiday-ing and simply “retreating”!

I’m sure you are too.

And as we all start shifting into “holiday” mode here’s some of the good “skill” stuff which you can pack into your summer suitcase. It’s what I learnt while “re-designing” myself, writing and finishing my first book on intercultural competence and communication, and doing my first keynote talk to an audience of almost 100 people on the subject! Oh yeah!

First, some good old MA – “moments of awareness”.  The term mastery originates from the Sanskrit root “mah”- meaning “greater” with a more modern variation of the medieval French word “maitre” meaning someone who is exceptionally skilled – a master of their craft – or you demonstrating the (upbeat, positive) principles underlying the way you produce results. There is a sense of effortlessness and joy supported by a healthy relationship with your current reality. A deeper awareness of what is going on right now at this moment.

Personal mastery also means mastering matters of the heart. Not easy if you come from a family environment or work in a culture that is more “task” oriented. Making emotional choices and looking closely at current reality takes courage. Are you courageous enough? Or are you afraid of what you want? And if you could “own” it now, would you take it?

Moments of awareness or MA is an exercise in real time reflection; stopping yourself in your “tracks”, sussing out your reality and developing skills to engage consciously, as events happen. You can practice MA anytime, anyplace and the real trick is doing it when you need it most – right in that terribly stressful moment, or right in the middle of a conflict. Get into the habit (refer to my last NL on creating new habits) of reminding yourself of MA. Here’s the exercise; ask yourself:
1) What is happening right now? and then go deeper by asking 3 more questions:
What am I doing right now?
What am I feeling right now?
What am I thinking right now?

2) What do I want right now?
In other words ask yourself what you are trying to achieve. Asking this question will provoke an emotional and physical change without you making a deliberate decision to change. AWESOME or what?

3) What am I doing right now to prevent myself from getting what I want?
Make a choice in this moment. All you need to do is to say: “I choose…

4) Breath deeply, and move on!
Now that you know what you want let your attention and energy move you towards it. Do not stay stuck. Change gears. Shift the focus of your attention.
Remember:

  energy-flows

Here’s a real time example borrowed from an situation we have all experienced to some degree, either at work or home.
What is happening? “I am in a conflict situation”.
What am I doing? “I am arguing and yes-butting and pushing back as hard as I can!”
What am I feeling? “I’m mad! I am very upset! I almost feel like crying / shouting!”
What am I thinking? “That this is not worth it, I am dealing with a bunch of idiots, I am leaving!”
How am I breathing? “Fast – my heart is racing!”
What do I want, for myself, right now? “I don’t want this!” “I don’t want to continue with this discussion.
What do I want? “I want this to end; I want him/her/them to listen. I want to be understood and heard and I don’t know how to explain myself better and this is why I am angry and frustrated”.

What am I doing to prevent myself from getting what I want? “I am pushing back too hard. Apologize. Reflect”.
Within seconds your attitude and behavior will change. Reflection helps you to become unstuck and de-escalate sudden bursts of fear, frustration and rage!
MA is very simple but it does need practice. Mindfulness – the skill of being present is an invaluable present to yourself – and others!

Second, the power of choice! Making a choice is more powerful than saying “I want…” When you choose whatever it is you want to achieve, it feels more powerful and your task of reaching it feels more creative. You take ownership of your choice – just like choosing a new job, or choosing to have a baby, or choosing to visit a special country when on holiday. Say “I choose…” (look at Dr Seuss’s good advice at top or learn from Hobbes)

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Third, the power of silence. Aaaah…silence. We are surrounded by noise. And most of it the “noise” of communication!
When conversation and life seems scattered and loud, when nobody is listening anymore and side conversations are breaking out in corners, or when you’re at an impasse with your partner, bring in some silence – move into a quiet space – for at least 5 minutes. Break the momentum of busy-ness and count to twelve.

When you have filtered and flowed through your internal “noise” and you are centered in your silence, expand your awareness – reflect on where you want(ed) to go as opposed to where you are going – on reflection you will feel your intent pop up again in the sound of silence!
You know what I mean.
Collective silence has a vitality of its own – and it creates space for other points of view, points of you and creativity!
The happiest people are not people who don’t have anything to do, or who have no concerns. Those people are bored.
Research shows that happy people are busy people but don’t feel rushed. Studies about work-life balance report the same thing —rush less and reduce anxiety with a little more discipline. Draw a line. Decide what is important and what isn’t. Prioritize. Be mindful of yourself in your “now”. Choose consciousness. Be present in the present. It is, after all, a present!

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Ask yourself this one simple question a few times a day: “What’s the most important thing for me to do right now?”

You can’t do it all and everything is not equally important but you can do anything once you stop trying to do everything – in three simple steps: 1) learn the power of MA, choice and silence. 2) practice it and 3) use it!

Wishing you balmy peaceful days to retreat in, filled with the sound of easy silence.

lots of love and light,
HestersigTransprnt