Self Management
Persistance vs. Perseverance, Starting Out And Opting In For Life’s Bonuses!
Hester Bergh-Appoyer
speaker | communication craftsperson | cross-cultural connector | author
connect. communicate. co-create – vienna | cape town | goa | new york
Persistance vs. Persevering And Getting Better At Life!
You know how sometimes the universe sends you a message as if you are the only person on the planet and the words were written just for you? Well not too long ago these words written by Octavia E Butler landed on my planet…
You don’t start out writing good stuff, you start out writing crap and thinking it is good stuff and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits any writer can have is persistence!
BOOM!
That’s it. That’s the word. Persistence. I took great pride in my very own dog-with-a-bone tenacity in not letting some things go. I gave myself a hearty slap on the back for my knack in knowing how to go on and on like Tennyson’s “Brooke”.
But. Had I known just how often I would have to go hunting and gathering to feed its insatiable howling hunger – I might never have started a few projects, let alone write a book!
And then I paused to ponder on the difference between persistence and perseverance.
This. Is. What. I. Found.
Like many other things in life – we need masses of sheer stupid persistence to keep something going. And I mean stupid. Persistence is that thing you’ve convinced yourself is a virtue. Persistence is that thing that keeps you mindlessly pursuing a cause (which you may confuse with purpose) with the expectation that the next time, or just one more time – with no end goal in sight – will be the time you get it right. Persistence is what causes you to stay in a bad relationship or in a job you hate. Persistence is exhausting.
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You’ve got it made.
Compliments like “you’ve done/achieved/come far…” aptly praise whatever it is that you define as being a success – at this point of your life – and up to now you’ve systematically ticked off the things that lure and promise eternal rewards and recognition. But. Not everyone is buying and in some areas of your life – be it work or play – you’re getting more rejection than affection.
Family, friends and some colleagues are always going to support you with things you want and like to hear. That’s why they’re still on your party invite list. Unsavoury and un-nice behaviour can be dismissed with a host of adjectives. And, to support you, you live in a world that promotes and perpetuates wonderful and awe-inspiring you. But. You know and I know that you are still turning people off. Relax. You’re human and you really are awesome but you might be doing too much of one of the following: blowing your royal trumpet, taking too much, talking ill of others, too right, righteous and opinionated, making too many excuses, demonstrating favouritism, bias or racism, and last but not least, whinging too much. Which one is it?
Turn Off #1 Big Talk
Cultural core values are a huge big thing when it comes to honesty and harmony. Just like cultures differ in what they value as nice or not, some cultural groups demand a more straight forward tell it like it is way of talking while others, appreciate a more…
Slow down, dig in! A life skills read on getting things done.
Slow down, dig in and do the thing!
Don’t run, slow down – he said pulling her hand back.
I can’t – the sand is too hot, it’s burning my feet – she moaned while hopping up and down, flicking the stinging sunburnt grains further up her legs.
Her constant clambering and tugging at his arm and hand in an attempt to lift herself off the ground was making his progress along the thick sand more difficult so he stooped down, put down his load and let her sit on his knee while he whispered a secret into her ear.
This little “dadeloog” so loves secrets. And walking barefoot.
Slow down, he instructed gently. Take your time. Every time you put your foot down start digging into the sand with your toes. Right under the hot, hot there is cool, cool. I promise you. When you find that place slowly shift yourself onto that foot and then do the same with the other foot. Dig your toes in, find the cool, stay a while, move over. And then the other foot. And then the other. And before you know it you’ll be perfect at it and we’ll be home.
She, in her childlike way still tried to get him to carry her, but he was already burdened with some of the basics they went to town for. If only he had taken the other truck – now he’s had to leave the feed behind, in the broken down truck. The baboons are going to have a feast. And, he should’ve insisted she take her sandals.
I can’t – she continued to resist.
How do you know you can’t – he asked. Have you tried it? Do you know you can’t? At least do it and if you really don’t get it right I’ll help you – he encouraged her with a smile on his face – hoping.
And so, as if knowing that he was going to prove her wrong, again, she unwillingly took that step.
If little else remains of the very tall old man whose face has faded in her memory like the time-bleached sepia shots of a family long gone, her grandfather’s words to slow down, dig in and to do the thing before convincing herself that she can’t, ring loud and clear. Just like the excited echo of the raucous baboon chatter in the rocky mountains running north and south alongside the farm.
Still today she finds herself digging in and slowly taking one step at a time when the going gets tough and things get hot!
One of my “Lewis” stories – the farm in the Kalahari. With love, Hester
May the force be with you! Welcome to 2017!
When it comes to some tasks and to dos there are some you are never going to feel like doing and you have to force yourself to do them. Do them anyway.
Some may even feel like you need your own task-force. Do them like you own one.
Get out of your autopilot mode and quit pulling up your emergency brake. Do that stuff.
Your problem is not that you don’t have ideas, that you don’t know how to or that you can’t figure out how to. Your problem is that you don’t act on the deeds and it’s high time you fall in love with the idea of marrying your ideas with action. No time better than now.
Here’s how to in 5 seconds and in 5 easy steps:
- F = force yourself
- O = out, get out of your head
- R = routine – get out of or into the routine of doing it.
- C = comfort zone – take on your parent role and parent yourself right out of it!
- E = energy – eat, drink, sleep but do what you gotto do to get going. Fall in love if you must!
Whatever you do. Do it. This isn’t about you, it’s about what you do.
Honor the deed and celebrate your integrity.
Let’s do this. All year long.
May the force be with you! Hester
Your no-buts kick-butt sparkplug keynote speaker and coach. If you’re interested contact me!
Let’s do it! May the force be with you! Jan, 2017
Lines and ideas taken from my book: “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to communicate for cross-cultural collaboration!”
Newsletter January 2015 – NYRs and falling in love…beCOS it matters!
Welcome to 2015 with SALT!
Remember the days when it was easy to fall in love with everything and everyone? Remember when you used to get really excited…like jump up and down excited…wave your arms in the air excited…grin from ear to ear and laugh out loud excited…like on the day you got your first valentine’s card or your first car or the yes to that “dream” job you so badly wanted?
Remember how you wouldn’t listen to any “words of warning” or have any place for negativity? How present you were? How curious, open and spontaneous you were? How you washed the car weekly and walked around at work with a spring in your stride and your shoulders high? And how it all changed over time?
As we approach every New Year we do mental scans over the year done as well as mentally project into the year ahead with the eager anticipation of personally designed changes – just like a new English vocabulary book with 365 pages for your new SALT course or seminar. Did you enthusiastically set yourself some NYRs on the 1st of Jan? Or have you already given up because, despite the fact that you have set them SMART-ly or according to other expert models, they (still) don’t work…the vocabulary book’s somewhere at home or in the office…the short and tragic life of a new year’s resolution…RIP!
Here are some interesting stats on NYRs (seems the Europeans aren’t particularly keen on being transparent about things like this). Not exactly an impressive success rate for the millions of people that kick off each January 1st with the best of intentions.
You know why? There are really good expert explanations like…
– Scientific studies have shown that you’re not attending enough SALT skills seminars and communication courses
– You’re being too vague
– You fear failure,
– You procrastinate
– You’re not hanging in there long enough, 21 days to be exact, to reap the rewards of the new habit(s) AND
– You’re formulating your goal or New Year’s resolution with modal verbs e.g. must, should, have to, ought to, need to etc. You seriously rebelled against a parent part or others telling you what you should or must not do so why do you think your own “instructions” are going to work?
…but the one that is never mentioned is that falling in love is also the secret to success. That’s right. Fall in love and feel it with all your senses. I realise it sounds crazy to tell a business person to fall in love but you know as well as I do that if half the managers had to fall in love with goals and plans what a wonderful place our working world would be! Close your eyes and imagine a person freshly “in love” (frisch verliebt) – they are delightfully energising and carefree and they swoop us up with all that feel good stuff they’re feeling!
Fall in love with your goals. Fall in love with the things you want to achieve because, just like your first love, your first car and that dream job you got, you will be prepared to put that little bit of “extra” into whatever it takes to make it happen. Fall in love like in the beginning.
But, before you do that, do this little check. Ask yourself these questions:
– What do I really want? Start your answer with “I want……”
– What does that mean for me? Is it the beginning or the end? Think about this carefully. If you think something (your marriage / relationship / job) is over, finished, the end you’ll treat it like that, but if you treat it like it is a new beginning you will put the spark of passion back into success. All around you “new” things are filled with a different kind of energy to things thought of as point- and useless!
– What am I prepared to do for it i.o.w how badly do I want it?
– What will be different/better if I achieve it, and what will happen if I don’t?
If you clarify these points, you’ll either make and succeed in your goals…or you won’t.
In my next newsletter I’ll be telling you more on the “neuro-science” of why resolutions and some goals fail, why we hinder ourselves from achieving our goals, why we procrastinate (self- and time management) and I’ll give you good tips on how to integrate new habits so that they stay – for as long as you want them to! Science it is but you don’t have to be rocket scientist to succeed!
I wish you lots of falling in love in 2015 beCOS it matters. Remember to be curious, be open and spontaneous. Also to be present and to look out for our skills and language offers – beCOS it really matters.
Good things are going to happen!
PS: So where does this all new year resolution stuff come from anyway? This tradition is woven deep into our heritage going back to the Babylonians who promised their gods that they would return borrowed items and pay their debts at the first of the year, the knights of the Medieval period renewed their vows to chivalry and the Romans made their promises to the god Janus for whom January is named.
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