Skills Coaching

15
Mar

Persistance vs. Perseverance, Starting Out And Opting In For Life’s Bonuses!

Hester Bergh-Appoyer

speaker | communication craftsperson | cross-cultural connector | author

connect. communicate. co-create – vienna | cape town | goa | new york

Persistance vs. Persevering And Getting Better At Life!

You know how sometimes the universe sends you a message as if you are the only person on the planet and the words were written just for you? Well not too long ago these words written by Octavia E Butler landed on my planet…

You don’t start out writing good stuff, you start out writing crap and thinking it is good stuff and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits any writer can have is persistence!

BOOM!

That’s it. That’s the word. Persistence. I took great pride in my very own dog-with-a-bone tenacity in not letting some things go. I gave myself a hearty slap on the back for my knack in knowing how to go on and on like Tennyson’s “Brooke”.

But. Had I known just how often I would have to go hunting and gathering to feed its insatiable howling hunger – I might never have started a few projects, let alone write a book!

And then I paused to ponder on the difference between persistence and perseverance.

This. Is. What. I. Found.

Like many other things in life – we need masses of sheer stupid persistence to keep something going. And I mean stupid. Persistence is that thing you’ve convinced yourself is a virtue. Persistence is that thing that keeps you mindlessly pursuing a cause (which you may confuse with purpose) with the expectation that the next time, or just one more time – with no end goal in sight – will be the time you get it right. Persistence is what causes you to stay in a bad relationship or in a job you hate. Persistence is exhausting.

Read more

10
Jan

Slow down, dig in! A life skills read on getting things done.

Slow down, dig in and do the thing!

Don’t run, slow down – he said pulling her hand back.
I can’t – the sand is too hot, it’s burning my feet – she moaned while hopping up and down, flicking the stinging sunburnt grains further up her legs.

Her constant clambering and tugging at his arm and hand in an attempt to lift herself off the ground was making his progress along the thick sand more difficult so he stooped down, put down his load and let her sit on his knee while he whispered a secret into her ear.

This little “dadeloog” so loves secrets. And walking barefoot.

Slow down, he instructed gently. Take your time. Every time you put your foot down start digging into the sand with your toes. Right under the hot, hot there is cool, cool. I promise you. When you find that place slowly shift yourself onto that foot and then do the same with the other foot. Dig your toes in, find the cool, stay a while, move over. And then the other foot. And then the other. And before you know it you’ll be perfect at it and we’ll be home.

She, in her childlike way still tried to get him to carry her, but he was already burdened with some of the basics they went to town for. If only he had taken the other truck – now he’s had to leave the feed behind, in the broken down truck. The baboons are going to have a feast. And, he should’ve insisted she take her sandals.

I can’t – she continued to resist.
How do you know you can’t – he asked. Have you tried it? Do you know you can’t? At least do it and if you really don’t get it right I’ll help you – he encouraged her with a smile on his face – hoping.

And so, as if knowing that he was going to prove her wrong, again, she unwillingly took that step.

If little else remains of the very tall old man whose face has faded in her memory like the time-bleached sepia shots of a family long gone, her grandfather’s words to slow down, dig in and to do the thing before convincing herself that she can’t, ring loud and clear. Just like the excited echo of the raucous baboon chatter in the rocky mountains running north and south alongside the farm.

Still today she finds herself digging in and slowly taking one step at a time when the going gets tough and things get hot!

One of my “Lewis” stories – the farm in the Kalahari. With love, Hester

3
Jan

May the force be with you! Welcome to 2017!

When it comes to some tasks and to dos there are some you are never going to feel like doing and you have to force yourself to do them. Do them anyway.

Some may even feel like you need your own task-force. Do them like you own one.

Get out of your autopilot mode and quit pulling up your emergency brake. Do that stuff.

Your problem is not that you don’t have ideas, that you don’t know how to or that you can’t figure out how to. Your problem is that you don’t act on the deeds and it’s high time you fall in love with the idea of marrying your ideas with action. No time better than now.

Here’s how to in 5 seconds and in 5 easy steps:

  1. F = force yourself
  2. O = out, get out of your head
  3. R = routine – get out of or into the routine of doing it.
  4. C = comfort zone – take on your parent role and parent yourself right out of it!
  5. E = energy – eat, drink, sleep but do what you gotto do to get going. Fall in love if you must!

Whatever you do. Do it.  This isn’t about you, it’s about what you do.
Honor the deed and celebrate your integrity.

Let’s do this. All year long.

May the force be with you! Hester

Your no-buts kick-butt sparkplug keynote speaker and coach. If you’re interested contact me!

Let’s do it! May the force be with you! Jan, 2017

 

Lines and ideas taken from my book: “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to communicate for cross-cultural collaboration!”

9
Sep

“Being Nice Isn’t Enough!” gets invited to the UNWG

IMG_4942

Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

How to cut the niceties and get to real collaboration!

It’s official. It’s been announced!

I have been invited to do a keynote on why “Being Nice Isn’t Enough” (my new in the “sending-to-publishers-phase” book) when wanting to cultivate real cross-cultural competence, conversation and collaboration at…
wait for it…
the United Nations Women’s Group in Vienna, on the 21st of September 2016!

That’s BIG and (even if I say so myself) awesomely EXCITING!

OK, I must also admit that I am having a whole lot of fun today! Fun Friday!

I have been in the process of uncluttering my website and putting in the key message of all messages. The Being Nice Isn’t Enough! book/keynote/seminar/coaching message.
I have also been having fun with rewording my “about” page and found the words “rebel” and “sparkplug” and I want to “SALT” sparkplug everywhere to describe myself and what I do. A sparkly sparkplug!

More about my current work and writing…
“Being Nice Is Not Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” is aimed at the business reader who is working with culturally diverse teams or across borders “Being Nice Is Not Enough!” is going to change the way you communicate and connect with people – simply by mirroring and undoing some of your habits, bias’, patterns and language that no longer serves you! The unconscious internal glitches – that contribute to conflict rather than collaboration – that should get dumped in the ditches. (Thank you to my coach and mentor Kate Emmerson)

“Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration”, an international personal/leadership skills and (non-generic) business communication book is also written for non-academic readers including non-native English speakers involved in international interactions. Without “dumb-ing” it down too much “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration” is written in a narrative and witty tongue-in-cheek style. It is a merging of my real-time “put-my-foot-in-it” trip-ups and intercultural feaux pas’ over the past 25+ years (yes I’m that experienced) of personal and international business experiences with my later studies and research on the fascinating albeit, at times, painfully embarrassing topic. The fact that I (and my son) were born into a post-apartheid culturally and politically changing South Africa also provides me with an experientially packed classroom! A wanderlust and attraction for the unknown fuelled by opportunities to work and live in foreign countries fill the chapters of “Being Nice Isn’t Enough!” This book provides humanly erring insights, reflections and practical answers to some of your cross-cultural questions – by undoing unhelpful habits and replacing them with good old guiding principles. An absolute must read when it hits the shelves!
I host “no-buts-kick-butt” authentically sparkplug keynote talks, seminars, team workshops and personal coaching on “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” Get me, get us!

SALT logo_n

5
May

Coaching Topics & Cues!

Professional Coaching Cues

Do you want to expand on your professional skills?

Do you have a strong desire for something different in your career or life?

Are you at an occupational cross-roads?

Are you feeling uncertain or overwhelmed and not sure on how or where to start?

Do you need help with doing job interviews in English and your CV?

Do you want to be better at:

  • presenting yourself and speak like a pro (voice coaching and body language)?
  • working with others and dealing with cultural diversity? 
  • dealing with conflict and holding difficult conversations?
  • negotiating, preventing and resolving problems?
  • team dynamics, team alignment and team management?
  • delegating tasks and holding others accountable?
  • dealing with uncertainty and changes in your life and workplace?
  • prioritizing to dos, meeting deadlines and managing yourself?
  • being assertive, saying no, decision making and getting the things you want?

 

Personal Coaching Cues!

Are you wanting to:

  • (re)discover your values and get a deeper sense of purpose?
  • move forward in areas that have been on hold for far too long?
  • make a small (or significant) personal change in your work?
  • pause, take time out and reset?
  • manage yourself and time better?
  • make an impact through voice and personal presence?
  • have fun, be fulfilled, and allow yourself to be the best version of you?

We can do this together

Your “content” is treated in the strictest confidence.

All coaching is conducted as per legal requirements of the professional coaching body and adheres to regular supervision and ethical practice.

Contact me if you would like to know more or make an appointment. Online coaching sessions are the order of the day, so lets do it! 

The Coaching Process

Primary focus and model: creating actionable strategies for achieving specific goals.

What’s it about: a desire for a better situation, by personal definition.

Past reference: only briefly, to understand the past as context in which your future goals are set.

Questions: to seek insight – the emphasis is on action.

Your goals: identify existing resources, new skills, new tools and insights and to “move”, by personal definition, to a more satisfying and successful future.

Accountability for goals: coaching goals, like business goals, usually have to do with one’s external world and behaviour, and can be measured.

Relationship: co-creative equal “partnership” I offer insights and  perspectives which support you in discovering your answers.

Function: to identify your challenges; to turn challenges into victories and hold you accountable to achieve them

My style: catalytic, challenging, direct, straight talk and accountability.

Rate of change: growth and progress is rapid! Like any other “change” process it can be uncomfortable at first but is replaced by a high sense of achievement.

Responsibility for outcomes: The coach= process; the client = results.

Please see our General Terms and Conditions.

 

5
May

Skills

cultivating competence = cultivating confidence = success!

SKILLS

“Competencia” (Latin) means agreement and symmetry – a congruence.

Competence is having the ability to confidently bring your know-how, experience (savvy) and communication style – into congruence.

SKILLS COACHING AND TRAINING

When a stick gets stuck while floating down a river, it doesn’t need years of therapy. It simply needs a nudge to get back into the flow of the water. ~ Michael Neill.

This is what I do. I nudge. Through questions, reflections and feedback.

Sport people get themselves coaches to help them get better at their sport and win. Managers have mentors to help them lead. Students have teachers to help them pass. Who do you have?

WITH SKILLS COACHING AND TRAINING you will…

  •   feel the ownership of being “large and in charge” to turn your ideas and dreams into reality!
  •   benefit from our collaboration in expanding your scope of competencies by acquiring, integrating and mastering new skills
  •   move forward with an options based approach that cultivates confidence in yourself and others

which you acquire through…

  • experiential learning what you feel you remember – good and bad – but with me it’s all good. Guaranteed! So you remember what you learn in an inspiring and engaging environment.
  • attainability – which is the realistic do-able approach to adapt, integrate, and put your skills out there immediately.
  • measurability – you can evaluate and tweak your success and personal performance on an ongoing basis.

This will equip you to recognize, reflect and get what it is you desire. 


I am a reach-beyond-your-limits life and communication enthusiast. A success coach and idea generator who helps aspiring and adventurous people like you to transform your personal and professional lives. If money, time, place and privacy are preventing you from getting the coaching or training you need please contact me. I can offer you a PWYW – pay what you want online program. If you send me an email put PWYW as subject.

4
May

Home

Connect. Communicate. Co-create.

WELCOME  TO MY WORLD

I support people across cultures in cultivating connection through clarity in communication.

My work in

South Africa, South East Asia, India and the European Union

has taught me that

  – collaborative co-creation can only happen through curiosity –

   – cross-cultural success relies on how well we know ourselves and our culture –

– intercultural savvy (CQ) goes beyond sharing a common language and “being nice” –

This is what I do


I support you in your cross-cultural business activities and communication skills. My coaching and training provides insights and “user friendly” tools to assist you in understanding complex cultural and communication issues.

Much of your/our success depends on the words we choose to use. When we understand how our own culture and social conditioning affects our communication and behavior, we become better at understanding others.

Language acquisition, honed communication skills, as well as a shift in perspective and attitude, fosters an inclusive approach which promotes individual as well as team success.


WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?





Why I do what I do

I so enjoy being instrumental in and contributing to “a change for the better” in our world. We all need to change our personal and collective thinking – 2020 has proven this – and the only way to do this is through the conversations we are having. We need to put a better message out to the world!

What I do

In a nutshell? “cultura”(Latin) which comes from the verb “colo” or “colere” means to tend, care, look after and cultivate. I support people in communicating and bringing their ideas and ways of doing things, together.  Meaningful communication and interpersonal collaboration is achieved with curiosity, compassion (EQ) and cultural understanding (CQ).

What others say

They say you’ll fall in love! And, get excited, inspired to “get going” and get what you want by my encouraging no-buts, kick-butt style!

How I do it:

Through conversation and thought provoking questions to inspire reflection, clarity, action and change. I also blog a bit.



4
May

Coaching for Transformation

Man’s mind, once stretched… 

Man’s mind once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.  Oliver Wendell Holmes.


%
of everything we learn is actually applied!
%
is lying dormant in our subconscious!
%
achievement of personal excellence

Studies show that we humans only put into use 20% of what we learn while the other 80% is left inactive, on our subconscious shelf. This means that because we’re only doing 20% of what we could be doing we’re only achieving 20% of our true potential.

This means that you are only achieving 20% of your greatness!

It’s time to change this! It’s time (re)activate the 80% wealth of resources you have stashed away in your treasure chest and let it see the light of day!


Coaching and Transformation 

Transformation – word origin and history – mid 14c.,  from Latin “transformare”. To change the shape or form – from “trans”- meaning across and “formare” meaning to form.

Transformation is not change. Think of water. Freeze it, boil it, steam and condense it – it changes form but returns to being water. But, when something has been transformed it cannot return to its original state.

Having the flexibility to change is good – having the courage to transform your life is better! You are the only one in charge. You can go for the 80% and live large. Or stay where you are. Your call.

You can achieve more than you imagine – you simply have to want it.

Our guiding map will be:

  • curiosity  – to rediscover your wealth of resources

  • courage – to challenge un-serving beliefs, let them go and re-invent yourself

  • consciousness – to engage with compassion and clarity

  • collaboration – in a non-judgemental, no nonsense way

  • commitment – accountability to show up in your new life

The Coaching Process

Primary focus and model: creating actionable strategies for achieving specific goals.

What’s it about: a desire for change, by your personal definition.

Past reference: only briefly, to understand the past as context in which move forward toward the things you want.

Questions: to seek insight and clarity – the emphasis is on activating action.

Your goals: identify existing resources, new skills, new tools and insights and to “move”, by personal definition, to a more empowered, satisfying and successful future.

Accountability for goals: coaching goals, like business goals, usually have to do with one’s external world and behaviour, and can be measured.

Relationship: co-creative equal “partnership” I offer insights and  perspectives which support you in discovering your answers.

Function: to identify your blocks and challenges; to turn challenges into victories and hold you accountable to achieve them

My style: kick-butt to your yes or no buts! I’m going to nudge, propel, catapult, spark, and apply direct, straight talk.

Rate of change: growth and progress is rapid! Like any other “change” process it can be uncomfortable at first but is replaced by a high sense of achievement.

Responsibility for outcomes: me the coach = process; you the client = results.

YOUR TRANSFORMATION STARTS HERE AND NOW

  • All our “content” is treated in the strictest confidence.
  • All coaching is conducted as per legal requirements of the professional coaching body and adheres to regular supervision and ethical practice.

Contact me if you would like to know more or want to make an appointment.

General Terms and Conditions.