Master change and fear in four easy steps.

Returning to work in September after the heady high days of sun, more sun, endless blue skies and MA!…those intense “Moments of Awareness”…was really a challenge!
Filled with my MA! my enthusiasm was temporarily doused by some of my clients’ updates of…yes…you got it…more cuts. More budget cuts, more FTE cuts, more company Christmas dinner expense cuts. Cuts. And then of course the refugee crisis, people cut off from their roots and family. More (suicide)bomb blasts cutting off life. Another mass killing at a school. More young lives cut short.

My world as I know it is changing and I get filled with a profound feeling of dread and…

But I can’t run away, I have clients to inspire and bills to pay!

And I am reminded of quote to which there’s a flipside too: “the bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you refuse to take the bend”.

But then, how many times have you missed a turning only to discover a new, better route to where you’re going? I personally love getting lost (when I am not in a hurry)!

Take what you need. I want change.

So, I ask myself what it is about change that has such powerful grip and debilitating effect on some people and what it is about change that paralyses rational thought and throws logic out with the bath water!

The answer is fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of change. Don’t fear change, change your fear!

Time to bring in a simple explanation of how our brain works in order to get a grip on fear! Psychologists have discovered that our minds are ruled by two different systems—the rational “human” mind and the emotional “monkey” mind—that compete for “control”. The rational mind wants a great beach body; the emotional mind wants that serving of Tiramisu or Apfelstrüdel. The rational mind wants to change something at work; the emotional mind loves the comfort of the existing routine. Emotions, especially feel good quick fix emotions, hijack reason and dominate our decision-making. The more intense our monkey emotional state, the less control our rational human mind has and when the rational mind loses the battle, fear comes to our door. Knock. Knock.

Do you remember what your mum or dad said when you didn’t want to go to bed and said you were scared of the dark because there were things that go BOO! in the night? Mine used to say: “Don’t be silly dear there is nothing there…it’s all your imagination” They were right, I still have the most amazing imagination, but no longer afraid of it! Cool.

You too possess the power to create.  Fear is based on the thought images you create. Fear is the stuff created out of things that don’t exist. Or ignorance.
F.E.A.R. The acronym stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. What false expectations are you entertaining about events in and around your life?

I am not saying we don’t have needs. We all have needs, both physical and emotional. And we all need to consistently fulfil those needs. Most of us live with a constant fear that the object which currently fulfils our needs might disappear. The person who loves us will stop loving us. The job that gives us security and food will one day stop giving us security and food and so we cling and attach irrational thoughts onto the thing we fear losing and refuse to let go. We try to make the lover love us. We try to make the job need us. We start to cling onto the people and things that make us feel important and worthy and don’t let go and we mistake the objects that provide for our needs for the needs themselves.
You don’t need your lover. You need to be loved. You don’t need your job. You need to feel secure. And you need to feel appreciated.
What you need is you. And, a healthy dose of self-confidence and the faith that you can meet your own needs.

The lover may leave you by death or for other reasons but there will be another opportunity for love in your life. You might lose your job. Be part of an FTE cut. But there will be another opportunity.

And yes, some ideas can be scary  (video) but under proper care they can become something beautiful and everything you need is in you to achieve this. Take what you need and change fear.

And if you still allow fear to come knock-knocking at your mind’s door, try using your other “brain”.

Tip #1: When you’re not thinking clearly, focus on your thinking brain to calm you down. Do it with numbers. Put your fear on scale of 1-10, 10 being terrified and 1 being perfectly relaxed about the situation.  Asking yourself whether you are on level 9 or 4 or 5 shifts the focus and lowers anxiety because it kick starts your thinking rational brain.

Tip #2: Another simple yet profound remedy for overcoming fear is by getting out of the future – because you’re not in it yet, it doesn’t exist and you have no control of the future. Be in the present and choose to change what you can change now. The present is all you have. The present is reality. Wasting your present physical and emotional energy by focussing on stuff that hasn’t happened yet is crazy don’t you agree?

Tip #3: How to catch a monkey!
In parts of the still existing jungles in South East Asia the natives catch monkeys by hollowing out a large coconut leaving a hole at one end big enough for a monkey to slip its hand in. The natives attach the coconut to a chain and tie it to a tree. They fill the coconut with delicious green bananas or peanuts. Before they leave, the natives scatter more bananas around the coconut.

When a troop of monkeys comes swinging through the rain forest, the sharpest-eyed among them will see the bananas in the clearing. He or she will signal to the troop and they’ll descend, jabbering and chattering, to scoop up their favourite food. When all of the treats are gone, almost inevitably, one of them will pick up the coconut, put his hand through the hole in one end, and clutch the banana inside. However, when he tries to pull the delicious fruit out, he quickly discovers that the hole in the coconut is too small for him to withdraw his banana holding fist.

Unfortunately, the monkey seldom does the rational or logical thing. It tries to carry the coconut away. It struggles, screams, jumps up and down, tugs and pulls at the coconut, even hurts itself – but it doesn’t let go of the coconut.

And so the monkey gets caught.

We don’t put our hands into coconuts, but we certainly get caught (and hurt) by possessions, jobs, or a relationship.

Think about YOUR coconut for a moment. Are you hanging on to

• betrayal, anger resentment and bitterness?
• regrets, embarrassing memories and painful mistakes?
• obsession about what other people think of us rather than living the life we want to live?
• perfectionism and fear of making mistakes?
• blaming other people and circumstances for your problems, instead of realising you are ultimately responsible for your life?
• hate, anger, disappointment, false beliefs, fears, expectations and attachments?

Ask yourself:
Does it make sense to hold on to all that stuff?
What relationships can be healed if you forgive and let go?
How would your life be if you let go of your “emotional bananas”?

Is it time for you to catch your monkey?

Let’s take a another rational look at CHANGE.

– Would you wear the same T-shirt for a week?
– Would you leave a dirty nappy on your baby’s bum for days on end?
– Do you eat the same food every day?
– Do you expect the weather to stay the same every day?

I know your answer. So what is it with your resistance and the things that require your willingness for change?

You know you cannot stop the flow of water. The same goes for change. Change constantly challenges our current reality by forcing a new reality to rush in to redirect us, provide new options and develop talents.  The more you resist, the harder the force of change but if “go with the flow” new exciting possibilities will flow into your life.

I choose change. Don’t you?

Tip #4: Have you watched expert rock climbers effortlessly bounding up rock faces and walls? They briefly grip the rocks firmly enough to propel themselves upward creating a continuous and seamless flow of movements of grabbing hold and letting go while using their legs to push them higher and higher. An excellent display of the art of exchanging the old for the new!
Remember there can be no moving up, no real progress, no new discovery without first letting go of old limiting beliefs and objects.

I really want change…to be in flow, let go and be…

PS: Did you know that motion sickness or sea sickness is caused when your mind unconsciously resists the rocking movement – your mind perceives the movement as being “unstable”? Think stable and enjoy the journey! Je flexibler, desto stabiler!