Exclusion is in-the-box thinking and an unwillingness to get out. Here’s the thing; you (unconsciously) expose and express exclusion of others in words like “we, us, our” and “they, them, those people”.

Have you tuned into yourself lately? Have you heard yourself speak in meetings and between friends? Are you expressing the wish to collaborate and connect or are you expressing exclusion?

Being Nice (certainly) Isn’t Enough is food for thought and speech! An excerpt from my book!

Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

How to cut the niceties and get to real collaboration!

It’s official. It’s been announced!

I have been invited to do a keynote on why “Being Nice Isn’t Enough” (my new in the “sending-to-publishers-phase” book) when wanting to cultivate real cross-cultural competence, conversation and collaboration at…
wait for it…
the United Nations Women’s Group in Vienna, on the 21st of September 2016!

That’s BIG and (even if I say so myself) awesomely EXCITING!

OK, I must also admit that I am having a whole lot of fun today! Fun Friday!

I have been in the process of uncluttering my website and putting in the key message of all messages. The Being Nice Isn’t Enough! book/keynote/seminar/coaching message.
I have also been having fun with rewording my “about” page and found the words “rebel” and “sparkplug” and I want to “SALT” sparkplug everywhere to describe myself and what I do. A sparkly sparkplug!

More about my current work and writing…
“Being Nice Is Not Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” is aimed at the business reader who is working with culturally diverse teams or across borders “Being Nice Is Not Enough!” is going to change the way you communicate and connect with people – simply by mirroring and undoing some of your habits, bias’, patterns and language that no longer serves you! The unconscious internal glitches – that contribute to conflict rather than collaboration – that should get dumped in the ditches. (Thank you to my coach and mentor Kate Emmerson)

“Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration”, an international personal/leadership skills and (non-generic) business communication book is also written for non-academic readers including non-native English speakers involved in international interactions. Without “dumb-ing” it down too much “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration” is written in a narrative and witty tongue-in-cheek style. It is a merging of my real-time “put-my-foot-in-it” trip-ups and intercultural feaux pas’ over the past 25+ years (yes I’m that experienced) of personal and international business experiences with my later studies and research on the fascinating albeit, at times, painfully embarrassing topic. The fact that I (and my son) were born into a post-apartheid culturally and politically changing South Africa also provides me with an experientially packed classroom! A wanderlust and attraction for the unknown fuelled by opportunities to work and live in foreign countries fill the chapters of “Being Nice Isn’t Enough!” This book provides humanly erring insights, reflections and practical answers to some of your cross-cultural questions – by undoing unhelpful habits and replacing them with good old guiding principles. An absolute must read when it hits the shelves!
I host “no-buts-kick-butt” authentically sparkplug keynote talks, seminars, team workshops and personal coaching on “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” Get me, get us!

consciousness vs. disregard

Consciousness vs. disregard describes one person who is aware and mindful that others from different backgrounds share the same values and have different ways of doing things, and disregard describes another person who demonstrates disinterest and detachment in their dealings or interactions with others from different countries.

This “disregard” only gives others the perception that you are (maybe) inconsiderate, biased and narrow minded when, in fact, you are not? Or are you? Is that how you want others to “see” you?

Or, do you get others? “Getting” others – is the ability to demonstrate a conscious “listening for” (not to), a consciously empathetic understanding for and good basic knowledge of other cultures. Can you?

Talking at, telling, instructing and using imperatives does not invite anyone into dialogue and shows a disregard for their involvement, worth and values. Are you doing this?

Are you showing consciousness? If yes, fantastic – you are a born cross-cultural collaborator! If not, don’t go into hiding!

Get me to help you become a cross-cultural collaborator with consciousness, courage and curiosity!

courage vs. arrogance

Are you courageous enough to encourage collaboration? Can some of your actions be percieved as arrogant?

Unconscious “us” vs “them” talk – be it due to fear of not knowing something or embarrassment that goes with (possibly) looking stupid, cultivates a biased arrogance – “my way is the best way” – normally expressed with generalisations – “they’re all the same”. This language certainly doesn’t promote collaboration.

Getting cross-cultural collaboration up and running in a new international team or project not only requires curiosity (C#1), but also a healthy dose of courage (C#2). Knowing what you don’t know, being able to acknowledge imperfections and that that you don’t have all the answers involves personal risk taking. It also makes you more human. Your sincerely curious and courageous approach to establishing collaboration will foster a quick and committed bonding between team members – no matter who, no matter where.

Courage means taking risks. Be courageous. Stay Curious. Create collaboration. Because (sometimes) Being Nice (simply) Isn’t enough! It’s such a valuable ingredient to your cross-cultural success mix.

PS: CQ = Cultural Intelligence

curiosity vs. indifference

Cats whiskers are very sensitive! They are like fine radars – or sensors you have in cars that warn the cat when it’s getting into a tight spot! So forget the old wives tales of cats getting killed because they were curious – that was just an attempt to get you to stop asking questions. What the old wives really should have told you is to develop some cross-cultural curiosity – to be curious, not indifferent.

As children we are protected from all sorts of harm by our well-meaning parents – and in some cases causing more unnecessary harm. Asking too many question got us silenced, we were warned about “talking to strangers”, and overheard our close circles of reference talking (negatively) about others – us (inclusive) vs. them (exclusive). This “killed” our curiosity and limited our cross-cultural and interpersonal potential.

Why?

Because it could percieved as indifference. Like you don’t care. A given cold-ness.  Look at all the fear  or scaremongering going on in the world and ask yourself where that comes from?

Be Curious. Be open for new things. Be spontaneous. A good dose of cross-cultural curiosity will certainly add fun and success to your intercultural activities like cross-cultural collaboration, and cross-cultural communication. Different ideas and experiences are the doors to new “worlds” and opportunities which enable you (or your team/organisation) to grow. And remember, “Being Nice (most of the time, simply) Isn’t Enough!”.

Develop that curiosity – it never killed any cat!

There’s more on what you can do to cultivate cross-cultural collaboration through conversation following shortly!

An idea from Hester and her book “Being Nice Isn’t Enough!”

Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

I trust you’re enjoying the balmy days of a late European summer, or, the fresh new days of a Spring!

I personally fled the wet and wild Goa-n monsoon in June. It was simply too stormy, turbulent and grey for me. In exchange, I enjoyed the South African bush winter of crisp blue skies warmed by rays of sunshine. I also covered about 5000km’s in road tripping and rhino patrolling. It was a glorious time with family and friends. I had to add a bit of body padding with the help of delicious home-made bakes and cakes!

The last 2 months have also been very exciting in the sense that I have submitted my book proposal to a few publishers in the US and UK. I recieved – albeit very direct – guiding and encouraging feedback! I feel more confident (I have no choice because giving up at this point is certainly not an option) and currently re-working some of the pointers given by the publishers. Here’s a snippet:

Being Nice Isn’t Enough is an “undo” book (with illustrations by Karin Hofmann).

Have you ever left a meeting or negotiation wishing you could undo some of the things you said?
Have you ever walked out of an argument wishing you could undo your last statement? Do you feel perplexed, peeved or plagued by cross-cultural misunderstandings? Are you “rolling your inner eye” at seemingly sloppy operations, and getting vexed by others’ disregard for timelines and bogged down by long decision making processes? If yes it might be (high) time to undo some of your “tried and tested” ways of doing things.

Being Nice Isn’t Enough takes an untypical turn-things-on-their-head approach to why people do what they do in foreign and unfamiliar situations.  It illustrates what can go wrong and why you end up with unintended, undesired outcomes. It achieves this supporting you in undoing unhelpful habits, undoing unsupportive behaviour and un-cluttering communication which, if left unattended, lead to unprofitable cross-cultural business activities.

Being Nice Isn’t Enough, is an international business communication book for readers who work with culturally diverse teams or across borders. It is also written especially for the non-native English reader. Without dumb-ing it down too much Being Nice Isn’t Enough is written in a narrative and witty tongue-in-cheek style merging the author’s real time personal and business experiences with researched theory. It provides insights and answers to many cross-cultural questions.

How? You will be nudged into “undoing”

• age-old survival strategies you’ve inherited, learned, cultivated which show up as your core values, beliefs and unconscious triggers about your assumed cultural identification
• how you use your language and ideas on words like manipulate, trust, respect and nice
• what you think you know about others and what engages and scares you and them.

Being Nice Isn’t Enough is packed with thought provoking “undos”, practical how to tips and tools as well as simple and fun illustrations.

By undoing a lot of what you have been thinking, saying and doing, this book is going to impact what you get as opposed to what you want. It will change the way you do business and how you communicate and connect with others – no matter who and no matter where.

Please hold your thumbs for my Being Nice Isn’t Enough!

I (really) look forward to seeing you between the 12th of September and the 9th of November in Vienna, and remember that my diary is almost full so if you would like me to spend some time with you, contact me now!

Stay safe and remember to keep sparkling!

Returning to Vienna this Autumn!

“creating confident communicators – cultivating collaborative conversation”
Taking bookings now from 12th September to 9th November 2016

Goa has been and still is good!

A sense-ual celebration of the visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, olfactory and gustatory elements – colorful and kaleidoscopic; bold and brassy; hot and humid; aromatic and acrid; delicious and delightful! And at best, confusing!

Here’s something really funny and absolutely true when it comes to their “language” – verbal and nonverbal. I still have to check for understanding!

Getting on with everyday things have also been a challenging daily reminder of how much curiosity, clarity and understanding cross cultural communicators need. Curiosity is certainly very supportive in order to cultivate collaboration through communication. Wouldn’t you like to know how?

Speaking of clarity – while the skies are blue and there are many more hours in your day – I need to make hay! Please remember to plan and fix your skills and language appointments for Autumn, ASAP!

You know how the saying goes – if you snooze you lose!

Wishing you happy days and a sensational summer! Hester

We all know that sex and taking drugs is like sleeping and eating and most other things. The more you have the more you want. The more you do it, the more you want to, the more you do it! The more you eat the “hungrier” you get the more you eat. Can you ever get enough of the good stuff?

I bet you (once again) started 2016 thinking about what you were going to do less or more of? And, how are you doing? Not hacking it and want to know why not? Read this. The good thing is there is still the rest of the year with new opportunities to do something different like start a love revolution, make a difference and get a lot more “right”.

But, before you roll your eyes thinking this is another “how to achieve your goals” or “2016 is going to be your best year yet” promise, believe me it is not. None of that stuff. The next 1176 words are going to be about doing more. Three “to dos” to get more energy and feel good on plus five user-friendly do good reminders which (perhaps) your mother, your father, maybe the holy man up the road or a teacher shared with you. All for free, gratis and nix! Simple reminders which, if each one of us did more of…even…only…just one…on a daily basis, our world would turn into a significantly better place and our lives would become more magical – like Lucy living in a sky of diamonds.

OK, so lets start with the to do list.

To do #1: Be active, not passive

Read more

We’re nearly there – only a few days to Christmas and a brand new year! I am so looking forward to it!

My goodness it’s been a tough year. Charly Hebdo attack in Paris, January; a 7.9 earthquake in Nepal, April; the migrant crisis unfolded in Europe in August; Volkswagen involved in an emission scandal, the Hajj stampede in Mecca in September, a Russian plane crashes in the Sinai Desert; Nigerians die in bomb attacks in October and November; Palestinians, Jews and Syrians all year and then of course the Paris attack in November.

And you are wondering why on earth I am reminding you of such bad sad things when I should be sending you fluffy snowflake Christmas-sy stuff! Your are right. Read on.

Christmas is a time for good stuff.
A time for a good time.
Time to go home and reconnect.
Time for cinnamon and nutmeg flavoured kitchens.
Time for laughter, opened gifts, open hearts…and family.
Time for peace. A time for love.

A time for giving. A time for sharing. The spirit of Christmas. Ideally.

Or are you still practicing the Christmas tradition of a private function for only the closest family members? Is Christmas time a time of closed doors where the true spirit of giving has been silenced by the rustling sound of expensive gift wrap and replaced by first world problems?

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Returning to work in September after the heady high days of sun, more sun, endless blue skies and MA!…those intense “Moments of Awareness”…was really a challenge!
Filled with my MA! my enthusiasm was temporarily doused by some of my clients’ updates of…yes…you got it…more cuts. More budget cuts, more FTE cuts, more company Christmas dinner expense cuts. Cuts. And then of course the refugee crisis, people cut off from their roots and family. More (suicide)bomb blasts cutting off life. Another mass killing at a school. More young lives cut short.

My world as I know it is changing and I get filled with a profound feeling of dread and…

But I can’t run away, I have clients to inspire and bills to pay!

And I am reminded of quote to which there’s a flipside too: “the bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you refuse to take the bend”.

But then, how many times have you missed a turning only to discover a new, better route to where you’re going? I personally love getting lost (when I am not in a hurry)!

Take what you need. I want change.
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