The “Con” in Consent and Other Agreements!
“con” as found in consent – is also known as to deceive, bamboozle (love that), swindle, cheat, fool, mislead, sweet-talk, trick, double-cross and rip-off. It dates back to the 1500’s which was frequently used in establishing the “pros and cons” of something which, going back to its roots, means that “con” is against, in opposition to and opposed to.
“con-sent” comes from the Latin “comsentire” – “com” = with and “sentire” = to feel in other words to feel together, agree or give permission.
The weakness in “con-sent” is that the content of the “con” can be stronger than, or even work against, the feeling of together-ness and mutual agreement. “Con” can be you giving someone, albeit unwittingly (unintentionally), the permission to “con” you. Or someone can allow you to do something but work against you and hold you in contempt (mock, scorn or be disrespectful).
And then, more often than not, the agreement becomes a “dis”. Con-sent ends in dis-agreement, dis-con-tent, dis-approval, dis-sent, dis-pute, an eventual dis-allowance filled with regret and dis-appointment that leads to dis-integration of all that was meant and intended well. Ouch!
Think about this when negotiating or trying to reach consensus with individuals and also with close friends or family members. A lot of agree-ing might be happening only because the need to be liked or accepted is greater than the possible dis-satisfaction later.
Consider the amount of “con” you communicate and con-tribute in your interactions and activities. If there is more dis-appointment and dis-sent than you care to deal with, you can change the way you say “yes” to things.
Want to know more? Contact me here. Remember: words have power and the right words empower!
2016? Holy cow! It’s been a ride of “deestings”, unabashed trumpery, distractions and Being Nice Isn’t Enough!
Remember me telling you at the beginning of this year that sex and taking drugs, eating sleeping and doing good deeds had this “gimme more” effect. That you should get addicted to good deeds and the more you do it the more you want it? Do you remember my 3 to do’s and 5 reminders to help get you what you want? No? Then go here before you go making any new resolutions. Yes? Good. I’ll be adding a few more life hacks to those. Read on.
This 2482 word reflection is a no bullshit message of peace containing
– colorful cows, female distractions and other fun and sexy life lessons
– idiotic idiomatic and old English expressions
– a pre-view of a good book to read
– 4 tips on how to get others to start a sparkly collaboration revolution with you
– a peace mantra
all from an expat-in-India perspective.
You know what it’s like. Come the end of anything you start looking back, taking stock and perhaps, reflecting. Read more
It’s official. It’s been announced!
I have been invited to do a keynote on why “Being Nice Isn’t Enough” (my new in the “sending-to-publishers-phase” book) when wanting to cultivate real cross-cultural competence, conversation and collaboration at…
wait for it…
the United Nations Women’s Group in Vienna, on the 21st of September 2016!
That’s BIG and (even if I say so myself) awesomely EXCITING!
OK, I must also admit that I am having a whole lot of fun today! Fun Friday!
I have been in the process of uncluttering my website and putting in the key message of all messages. The Being Nice Isn’t Enough! book/keynote/seminar/coaching message.
I have also been having fun with rewording my “about” page and found the words “rebel” and “sparkplug” and I want to “SALT” sparkplug everywhere to describe myself and what I do. A sparkly sparkplug!
More about my current work and writing…
“Being Nice Is Not Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” is aimed at the business reader who is working with culturally diverse teams or across borders “Being Nice Is Not Enough!” is going to change the way you communicate and connect with people – simply by mirroring and undoing some of your habits, bias’, patterns and language that no longer serves you! The unconscious internal glitches – that contribute to conflict rather than collaboration – that should get dumped in the ditches. (Thank you to my coach and mentor Kate Emmerson)
“Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration”, an international personal/leadership skills and (non-generic) business communication book is also written for non-academic readers including non-native English speakers involved in international interactions. Without “dumb-ing” it down too much “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration” is written in a narrative and witty tongue-in-cheek style. It is a merging of my real-time “put-my-foot-in-it” trip-ups and intercultural feaux pas’ over the past 25+ years (yes I’m that experienced) of personal and international business experiences with my later studies and research on the fascinating albeit, at times, painfully embarrassing topic. The fact that I (and my son) were born into a post-apartheid culturally and politically changing South Africa also provides me with an experientially packed classroom! A wanderlust and attraction for the unknown fuelled by opportunities to work and live in foreign countries fill the chapters of “Being Nice Isn’t Enough!” This book provides humanly erring insights, reflections and practical answers to some of your cross-cultural questions – by undoing unhelpful habits and replacing them with good old guiding principles. An absolute must read when it hits the shelves!
I host “no-buts-kick-butt” authentically sparkplug keynote talks, seminars, team workshops and personal coaching on “Being Nice Isn’t Enough – How to cut through the niceties and get to real collaboration.” Get me, get us!
Consciousness vs. disregard describes one person who is aware and mindful that others from different backgrounds share the same values and have different ways of doing things, and disregard describes another person who demonstrates disinterest and detachment in their dealings or interactions with others from different countries.
This “disregard” only gives others the perception that you are (maybe) inconsiderate, biased and narrow minded when, in fact, you are not? Or are you? Is that how you want others to “see” you?
Or, do you get others? “Getting” others – is the ability to demonstrate a conscious “listening for” (not to), a consciously empathetic understanding for and good basic knowledge of other cultures. Can you?
Talking at, telling, instructing and using imperatives does not invite anyone into dialogue and shows a disregard for their involvement, worth and values. Are you doing this?
Are you showing consciousness? If yes, fantastic – you are a born cross-cultural collaborator! If not, don’t go into hiding!
Get me to help you become a cross-cultural collaborator with consciousness, courage and curiosity!
Good manners, sharing a common language and Being Nice (simply) Isn’t Enough to ensure success in your cross-cultural collaboration.
This is easier said than done. Many well intended “universal” applications like being nice, treating everyone the same, sharing a common language and expert technical know-how – that worked out well in one setting – turn out badly or fail completely in another.
Expensive business suits, corporate smiles and fancy titles don’t guarantee collaboration. Success in your own domestic market doesn’t guarantee it in another. Breakdowns in communication and collaboration happen and well planned business dealings go wrong. Why?
Get your Intercultural Communication Competence brochure!
Cross-Cultural Savvy means you…
You. Your team or company.Especially if you are an international project manager or business leader in charge of culturally diverse teams.
If you are interested in getting personal C-CS coaching contact Hester.
If you are interested in getting C-CS for your team or company you will get our:
keynote talks, seminars/workshops boosted with real time graphic recording and visualisation of content if you want.
30+ years (or nearly 60 000+hrs) international business experience in sales and marketing (cosmetic and pharmaceutical); tertiary education, the financial and construction sectors with:
Hester is a speaker and story strategist, communication craftsperson, cross-cultural connector, and change activist. She possesses a uniquely fresh “street-kid” savvy which allows her to share her bold yet refreshing coaching approach with her corporate clients all over the world.
She has vast experience in training, coaching, consulting, mediation and more recently key note speaking on the subject of cross cultural communication and co-working. She was also commissioned to write a book, The Flying Rhino’s Guide to Intercultural Communication by a leading international cardboard and paper manufacturer in 2015.
Born South African, she has lived and worked in South Africa, India, the EU, South East Asia and CEE (Central Eastern Europe). In India she started working on her cross-cultural communication book – an anecdotal non-fiction on things “they” don’t tell you.
By the age of ten she had logged more than 10 000 unaccompanied flying miles and as a young person spoke on a local radio show telling about her solo travels to distant destinations and, she remains an inspiring and uplifting storyteller.
Her black on white qualifications: Ayurveda Practitioner; Neuro-Science and Neuro-Leadership; Systemic Coaching; Conflict Mediator; Social and Life Counsellor; Business English Trainer (CELTA/LCCI London Chamber of Commerce ARELS-CERT TEB); Dipl. in Marketing Management; Dipl. in Management And Sales Training.
As per a questionnaire that went around on fb not too long ago:
♥ Tattoo? No ♥ Piercings? Yes 3 – in earlobes ♥ Married/Divorced? Experience in both ♥ Children? Yes a beautiful son! ♥ Operations? Yes ♥ Prison? Not telling ♥ Weapons? Fired a rifle on my grand-daddy’s farm and now have a very unique thumb print on my left thumb. ♥ Left/walked out of a job? Yes ♥ Fired staff? Yes ♥ Been Fired? Yes, thank goodness! ♥ Awards/Distinctions? Not telling – I might put you off contacting me ♥ Have you seen the moon from the Equator? Almost, Kuala Lumpur is very close to it and I lived and worked in Malaysia for almost 6 years! Awesome! ♥ Flown in a helicopter? Yes, with my son and 2 spaniels! ♥ Converted? Many times – foolishly – keep converting back to myself, like this version best! ♥ Cried over somebody? Oh yes! Often! ♥ Been in love? Oh yes, with the ones I cried over! ♥ Skipped school? Sure! You? ♥ Been in an ambulance? Yes, after a diving accident ♥ Been to the Amazon? – no but Bornean jungles and climbed up the highest mountain in SEA – Mt Kinabalu. ♥ Been in a TV show? Not yet ♥ Been on a radio show? Yes, as a kid. ♥ Won something? Not the lottery but some very precious friends ♥ Caught snowflakes with your tongue? Yes ♥ Animals? let’s not go there – will take up the whole page – love rhinos! ♥ Ridden a motorbike? Yes ♥ Ridden a horse? Prefer motorbikes ♥ Do you donate blood? Yes because I am O-neg and once had to wait 24 hours for blood. ♥ Do you love what you do? What kind of a question is that?
♥ What do you do? Click here
♥ Want to know more? Get me here firstname.lastname@example.org
which you acquire through…
This will equip you to recognize, reflect and get what it is you desire.
I am a reach-beyond-your-limits life and communication enthusiast. A success coach and idea generator who helps aspiring and adventurous people like you to transform your personal and professional lives. If money, time, place and privacy are preventing you from getting the coaching or training you need please contact me. I can offer you a PWYW – pay what you want online program. If you send me an email put PWYW as subject.
I support people across cultures in cultivating connection through clarity in communication.
My work in
has taught me that
– collaborative co-creation can only happen through curiosity –
– cross-cultural success relies on how well we know ourselves and our culture –
– intercultural savvy (CQ) goes beyond sharing a common language and “being nice” –
Much of your/our success depends on the words we choose to use. When we understand how our own culture and social conditioning affects our communication and behavior, we become better at understanding others.
Language acquisition, honed communication skills, as well as a shift in perspective and attitude, fosters an inclusive approach which promotes individual as well as team success.
Your skills are refined which gets you eager exchange in work and play.
Your experiential learning equips you with confidence and credibility.
The world is your oyster when it comes to opportunities and success.
I so enjoy being instrumental in and contributing to “a change for the better” in our world. We all need to change our personal and collective thinking – 2020 has proven this – and the only way to do this is through the conversations we are having. We need to put a better message out to the world!
In a nutshell? “cultura”(Latin) which comes from the verb “colo” or “colere” means to tend, care, look after and cultivate. I support people in communicating and bringing their ideas and ways of doing things, together. Meaningful communication and interpersonal collaboration is achieved with curiosity, compassion (EQ) and cultural understanding (CQ).
They say you’ll fall in love! And, get excited, inspired to “get going” and get what you want by my encouraging no-buts, kick-butt style!
Through conversation and thought provoking questions to inspire reflection, clarity, action and change. I also blog a bit.